


Sorry Forever

by Fear_The_FWZZ



Series: Post Carmilla 2x15 [2]
Category: Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Angst, Carmilla's POV, F/F, READ PART 1 FIRST, YOULL UNDERSTAND IT BETTER, beware the feels, please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 23:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4584483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fear_The_FWZZ/pseuds/Fear_The_FWZZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla's POV after the previous story  Sorry Sadness. How did Carmilla react to this? Why would she still care for the girl that she broke? Did she even love her?</p>
<p>"Once upon a time I was falling in love. Now I'm just falling apart"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry Forever

Me. A lonely vampire who doesn't know how to love correctly. Lost in her own world of despair. After her fight I had no place to run. That's how I ended up in the woods. Letting the darkness capture me and take me to a new place. A world with light in every corner. Where a shadow cannot exist. No where to run. No where to hide. All raw and uncut. Nothing to be blinded about. Somewhere I can go and I become glass. Everyone, just glass. Being able to see through every person you've ever known. But with that comes invisibility. Being able to see so much through them that they disappear right in front of me. With every pro, there's a con. With every con, there's a pro. No black or white. It's all grey. All the grey we can not see. The grey Laura doesn't know.

What I do see though is the window to room I've sat in and poured my feelings out. Out to someone who just tossed them away like fat from a pig. Useless meat that no one cares for because it's unhealthy. The information I gave out. Every chance I gave her. Was just the unhealthy meat that was thrown away. I sat in those woods for hours on end. Thinking one last tear would make the pain stop. I can't stop this pain though. Laura never caused it. Nor Mattie or Maman. It's by me. I let myself wander into a little girl's life. I cocooned her in my protection and look where that got me. I get up shaky when I see Laura's face move away from the window. Even from here, her brown eyes glossed over by tears, could be seen. How I wish I could just stop it all. Take us back to a time of simplicity. My hair's a wreck. My minds a wreck. It all is. My entire immortal life is a mess. I scream out thinking it'll take the pain away. I scratch at my skin until it bleeds. Trying to take out every last bit of sadness in me. The louder i scream the more pain comes. I try and forget but I can't let go. My arm is bleeding. My heart is also bleeding. It's bleeding from the hole that was dug there. The plug was Laura's comfort. Now that's gone. Now it's open and bleeding out the love I wish I had.

I bound to the apartment. I can't apologize. I can't take her back. I need to know that one day I can learn to love again. It may not be her. It may not even be myself. But if I can love anyone again, seeing her will prove it to me. In the window, the room is dark. A black mass swaying. I turn my head. My imagination taking over my senses. My hand grabs the doorknob and yanks it open. I walk foot by foot into the rooms. Every step making me feel heavier. The smell of death in the air. Flashes of bodies appear in my head. Hanging. Swinging bodies. Blood captivating me. My eyes widen in the darkness. Laura's camera is pointed oddly to the right. Towards the small crevice. Where the mass was swinging... The images get stronger and the sensation of sorrow washes over me. The green light blinks meaning it's on. I walk over to it. Stupid Laura. What could you have possibly taped?

I click it off and the brightness of the laptop is low. It doesn't strain my eyes at least. A shadow is cast behind me. I look through the video files. If she got over me then maybe I can move on. I know we both care. There's this barrier of moral between us. I've tried everything for her but she'd never think otherwise. Why now? Why would she care that much more now? While she may have thrown me away. I've nearly burned every remaining fiber of sane in her. Soon she'll crack if not already. I don't want to be in the splash zone for when that happens. But more and more as I look through the files I feel that day will never come.

I scroll to old videos we never posted because both of us just couldn't stop kissing. She'd start talking and I'd get in a trance. Taken away by her voice and only her voice. These videos came from after I woke up and let myself go to Laura. Some of them were from the barn we were stuck in. Some even from here. In this room. I even crack a smile here and there when we were in the barn fleeing the school all that time ago. I close my eyes at the memory. Trying to repaint the events. She was curled up into me that winter night. Finally away from Pinky and the Brain. Her head snuggled into my chest. I held her tight not wanting to let go. No so much as a dating honeymoon but before I knew it. We were in love. After decades and decades I finally found that one again. Everything happens for a reason. Becoming a vampire one of them. Meeting Laura is the second one. I'm so wrapped up into flashbacks that I still feel her lips on mine. She'd try to give a quick update on the whole situation but the moment she started talking, is when my lips stopped her. I'd turn her chin to me and bring my face to hers. Connecting our lips and tongues. She just gave up after the third time and we continued to kiss through the night on that stormy snowy night. Pulling me down and her on top of me. Her soft graceful fingers coming through my hair. I touch mine to get the same sensation. My eyes are still closed and tears slip out. It's so real in my mind. How could that change so quickly?

I spent so much time in that daydream that I didn't notice the newest one video made this evening. I click on it reluctant. It's very late and I don't want to wake anyone anymore. We've yelled enough at each other to keep China awake. We've thrown books and other stuff at each other. It was rough Each night. Going back to her in that enormous bed, but I couldn't keep my hands off her. She'd always be my little spoon. The Ursa Minor. Oh how I wish she was back in my arms.

I look at the video and Laura is drenched in tears. The more I watch the more on the edge of my seat I become. She's lugs around looking for something. It was slightly lighter in the room. Maybe an hour or two ago. She has a rope in her hand. Don't tell me this. Please don't tell me this! She throws it up into the chandelier. Don't tell me this. Please don't tell me this! She grabs the stool and puts her head through it. Laura! She falls and I scream out. I feel my heart come out of my chest. I run to the light switch and to the door way. There she was. Swinging like a rag doll from a child's hand. I get on my knees in front of her and sob. Louder than ever possible. I shake her in the grasp of the rope. I take her down and she falls in a heap to the ground. My fingers trying to find anything that still remains. My face is contorted in a face I can't describe.

"Laura! Laura baby! Please. You need to wake up! You have to!"

The more I scream the harder my cries come. The rope has made an indentation on her neck and I rub it. I go down to her chest. Nothing. Not even the warmth of her blood. She was out cold dead. Dead as my heart is now. I shake her and hope maybe she'll wake up.

"Laura please! I wasn't done yet. I wanted you back so bad. This barrier just got too strong. Laura. I need to know that you loved me. Just something. I've loved you the second I knew you cared about me. Now I've fallen in a trance because of you. Your story can't be over! You just started reading it to me!"

What I didn't realize was that. Stories come to an end. All stories have to. I failed to see that. Laura was my baby. She was almost the entire world for me. I need her so I could breath. Now I feel that maybe my oxygen is running low. I curl my finger in her shirt. Her white dead face. I can't stand to look at it but my eyes can't be taken off it. I give her one last kiss. Something that meant something. I scream in her expired ears.

"How could you do this!? I'm sorry. I'm so forever sorry! Why do you have to leave me alone! You were the only one I had left!"

My voice starts to simmer as I surrender to my sorrows. Laying on top of her and cry.

"I needed you more than you needed me but that doesn't mean you didn't need me at all. I want you back. Back to your lively state. Come back to me Laura."

I laid on her for so many hours. Until the sun rose the next day. The group comes into the room. My face stricken with disarray. I lift her dead body in my arms. I squeeze my eyes so that my tears don't overload my sight. I push myself out the door. I head to the crater where the fish is stuck. I even notice that she seems to feel my black cloud of depression. I hold onto her arms until I let go. Down she falls along with my feelings. Everything I've ever loved in my life. Never would I have risked my life. For her, I would've sacrificed the world. Now that world is crushing me. It's already squashed Laura. Like a little bug.

The sun comes up and beats through the trees. In the early mist, I hurtle myself after her. As we fall I give one last dance. I swear I see her hands wrap around my waist again. Seeing her giddy smile as I twirl her. We are sent into the darkness. Turning into only a red mist to join above the ground. If I could make it up to you I would. But you can't take back a body that's been lost inevitably.

Once upon a time I was falling in love and now I'm just falling apart.


End file.
